zingenmir: (Agent Dawn McKenna)
[personal profile] zingenmir
Summary: In which T’Zar talks about her latest mission and Dawn is confused.

---

“Yes,” said Dawn McKenna slowly, “but what’s he actually like?”

“‘He’ has no pronouns,” T’Zar corrected her. The Vulcan was perfectly composed, of course, in sharp contrast to Dawn’s dishevelled hair and confusedly sceptical expression. “The agent is a species. Naruto-canon ninja, to be precise.”

Dawn stared, blinked, then stared some more. “Look, I…I don’t want to tell you not to be ridiculous, because I know you almost never are ridiculous, but…it’s…” She huffed and pushed her drink away. “T’Zar, ninjas aren’t a species.”

“The plural of ninja is ninja,” T’Zar corrected, raising one eyebrow. She seemed perfectly at home at their small table in Rudi’s; hardly surprising, considering that she and her former partner had been meeting there for several years. “And this agent insists that this is the correct species.”

“But,” said Dawn, after several moments of frowning at T’Zar’s last sentence. She gestured helplessly with both hands. “T’Zar. Ninja. Is—is this some sort of, of hive-mind, or something?”

“Or something,” T’Zar agreed. She sipped her own drink, and set it down in the same spot. “The agent is…unclear on the matter. Our mission was interesting.”

Really,” Dawn said. She looked like she was trying to imagine how the mission in question could have gone and coming up with something too odd to voice.

“Yes,” T’Zar replied. “An agent embodying all the skills of the Naruto-verse ninja is fascinating to observe.”

“Uh-huh,” Dawn said slowly. “I…does that mean…I mean, does the—the agent take on all their personality traits, too? Like, Naruto’s love of ramen, and Sasuke’s…I don’t know, scowliness, and Sakura’s pink hair? She has pink hair, right?”

“I do not know,” T’Zar told her. “I am not familiar with the canon.”

Dawn shook her head. “Where’d this agent even come from? Apart from Naruto,” she added quickly when T’Zar raised her eyebrow again.

T’Zar sipped her drink again before replying. “I believe a mention was made of ‘the ninja were one’ in a badfic where ninja had been mistaken for a species. The agent was formed from this.”

Dawn grimaced. “Wow. That’s…wow.”

“Indeed,” said T’Zar. She reached out and nudged Dawn’s drink closer to her former partner. “You may wish to drink more.”

Dawn grimaced again, and picked up the glass. “You know, it’s times like this that I almost wish I drank alcohol.”

Had she been in the habit of showing more emotion, T’Zar’s mouth might have twitched upward at one corner. As it was, she continued to look calm and serious. “In Vulcan terms, you are drinking the equivalent.”

Dawn looked down at her chocolate milk, and grinned. “I guess I am. Well, then.” She took one sip, and then several more. “Wow. Well, I hope ninja-agent’s managing to settle in.”

“Iwe amare,” came a voice from behind her. Dawn flinched, nearly dropping her glass.

“C’mon, Agent Ninja,” said someone else. Dawn turned to look, but could only see a white rabbit, which somehow managed to grin at her. “Oh, hi.”

“Uh,” Dawn said. “Hi?”

“Nice to meetcha!” said the rabbit. It hopped in a circle, then stopped and frowned. “Agent Ninja?”

“Iwe amare here,” said the first voice. It sounded oddly like many people’s voices speaking at once—which might explain the odd mixing of words.

The rabbit frowned harder. “Where?”

“Right,” Dawn muttered to T’Zar. “That’s it. I’m becoming a Vulcan, so I can actually get drunk off processed sugar.”

T’Zar raised an eyebrow, but did not reply. “Agent Rabbit,” she said instead. “You are aware, of course, that Agent Ninja is using…ninjutsu, in order to speak to you while standing across the room?”

There was a brief pause, and then—

Oh,” said Agent Rabbit. “Right. Yes. I knew that!” It bowed quickly to T’Zar, and flicked its ears at Dawn. “I’ll just go—”

And with that, the rabbit hopped away.

Dawn turned slowly to look at T’Zar, who indulged in a small, one-shoulder shrug. “Agent Ninja is a species,” she informed the younger agent. “Agent Rabbit is…”

“A rabbit?” Dawn filled in.

“A rabbit,” the Vulcan agreed. “However, it is generally agreed that Agent Rabbit was at hir best before gaining a personality.”

Dawn thought this over for a minute, and then eyed her nearly empty glass.

“I need more chocolate for this conversation.”

“As do I,” T’Zar said. Gently taking Dawn’s glass away, she tipped the last sip into her mouth and swallowed. “I will get us more,” she added, and stood up, taking her own glass along for the ride.

“Oh, good,” Dawn said. She put her head in her arms and closed her eyes. “Let me know if you see someone with a DORKS; being a Vulcan is sounding better and better.”

“Of course,” T’Zar said smoothly, and headed for the bar.

Species,” Dawn muttered into her arms. “Agents who are species. What’s next?”

(<Hello>, said Ron the corner.)

(“
No,” Dawn said firmly, and plugged her ears.)

(Ron the corner went away after that. Agent Rabbit was more fun to talk to anyway.)

---

Inspired by this Board post:

Huinesoron
That's nice.
Fri May 1, 2015 8:01am

I've always considered agents to be at their best when they consist of nothing but a species. ^_~

hS

And this one:

OrangeYoshi99
*waves Ron the corner* (nm)
Fri May 1, 2015 8:12pm

---

Thank you to Huinesoron and OrangeYoshi99 for inspiring this, and to Admiral Sakai and Hieronymus Graubart for betaing! All the agents in this are mine except for Ron the corner, though Agents Ninja and Rabbit can be considered either extracanonical or Free-to-Use. The PPC was created by Jay and Acacia (most lovely of them to do so, really), and Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, Shueisha, and what seems to be a small host of other people and companies, none of whom are me.
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